请英语高手帮我修改这篇作文ApplicationDear sir and madamsMy name is john,and i'm a graduate student in Solar science and technology institute of jiangxi professional.I writing to apply for attending insurance company.At school I major in

请英语高手帮我修改这篇作文ApplicationDear sir and madamsMy name is john,and i'm a graduate student in Solar science and technology institute of jiangxi professional.I writing to apply for attending insurance company.At school I major in
请英语高手帮我修改这篇作文
Application
Dear sir and madams
My name is john,and i'm a graduate student in Solar science and technology institute of jiangxi professional
.I writing to apply for attending insurance company.At school I major in community service.I master four language,and I passed Band Four in the College English Test.
During my four years' university,I have passed all the required courses of study with satisfactory marks.With Japanese as my major.
I would really appreciate it if you engaged me.
顺便给我讲解一下和指点错误.

请英语高手帮我修改这篇作文ApplicationDear sir and madamsMy name is john,and i'm a graduate student in Solar science and technology institute of jiangxi professional.I writing to apply for attending insurance company.At school I major in
Dear madam and sir（国外比较女士优先）
My name is john,a graduate student from Jiangxi Solar Science and Technology Institute.(and并列连词相当于逗号的作用,一般不与,放在一起.还有学校一般都是地点+性质+school/college/university一类的)I writing to apply for the insurance company.（一个句子里不能有两个谓语动词,这里定冠词the可以指代就好了）At school,I major in community service.I master four languages（复数＋s）and passed Band Four in the College English Test.
During my four years' school life,I passed all the required courses with satisfactory marks.And Japanese is my major.
I would really appreciate it if you engaged me.

Application
Dear sir or madam，
My name is John, a graduate student in Solar Science and Technology Institute of Jiangxi. I am writing to apply for attending your insurance company. At schoo...

全部展开

Application
Dear sir or madam，
My name is John, a graduate student in Solar Science and Technology Institute of Jiangxi. I am writing to apply for attending your insurance company. At school I major in community service. I master four languages, and I passed Band Four of the College English Test.
During my four years' studies at university，I have passed all the required courses of study with satisfactory marks. And Japanese is my major.
I would really appreciate it if you engaged me.

收起