哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高二 第一次雅思 是小白 再次谢谢各位The line chart demonstrates data about travel to and from Britain while the bar chart indicates information abo

哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高二 第一次雅思 是小白 再次谢谢各位The line chart demonstrates data about travel to and from Britain while the bar chart indicates information abo
哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高二 第一次雅思 是小白 再次谢谢各位
The line chart demonstrates data about travel to and from Britain while the bar chart indicates information about the most famous states for Britain inhabitents to visit
As can be seen from the line chart ,the number of the UK visitors and the figure for the foreign visitors who visited to the UK both arrived at around 10 millions respectively in 1979. However,there was a sharp grow in the number of UK visitors while the number of foreign visitors rose gradully from 1985 to 1999.The number of uk visitors arrived at almost 53 millions and the figure for the foreign stood at around 28 millions.
According to the bar chart, it can be clearly seen the most UK visitors visited Spain and France in 1999.To be more exact, UK visitors visited 5 most popular states were made up of Turkey(around 2.5 millions),Greece(around 3 millions),USA (around 4 millions)and the france(around 11.5 millions)
In general, the number of the UK visitors and the number of the visitors who visited to the UK were all increase during the period between 1979 and 1999. On teh other hand Spina and the France were the most popular countries for UK inhabitents.

哪位大牛帮我批改下雅思 大概多少分 ,剑5 text4 的小作文 谢谢 本人高二 第一次雅思 是小白 再次谢谢各位The line chart demonstrates data about travel to and from Britain while the bar chart indicates information abo
你这篇应该是6分.
开头第一段,不要特地把line chart,bar chart写出来.显得有点啰嗦,而且我们主要看你是否能把图表信息描述清楚,至于是啥图,并不关心.第二句话,很有问题.我想这应该用the most popular travel destinations 而不是famous.
第二段：不要老用visitors,换成tourists或者travelers都行.both arrived at around 10 millions respectively.这里,怎么既用both又用respectively,那么到底是都还是分别呢?a sharp growth UK visitors visited 5 most popular states were.缺少the,改成the 5 most popular nations among UK tourists 要好点
最后一点,对你的内容选择上有点建议.既然给你2个可以比较的信息,你就得比较它们一下.用一些词比如 几倍多,更多等等.用的词有点简单了.语法没有太大的错误,基本过关.从句的量可以再多一点.所使用的逻辑衔接词,都挺不错.但是,在描述时间轴上的信息时,缺乏衔接.描述得也略微简单了点.总的来说,6分是一个比较合理的分.

还是错滴哦~比我厉害多了呢~~~
估计有6.5-7分
虽然有点小错误（估计是手误），不过可以忽略不计了~
可能是我水平烂了点，我觉得第一段可以不用那么复杂，简单明了比较好，而且要在第一段就交代时间哦，正常情况下题目给你的信息在第一段要全都包括在内哈
还有就是尽量换点词，不要重复使用visitor visited
其他貌似就没有什么了！O(∩_∩)O~...

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还是错滴哦~比我厉害多了呢~~~
估计有6.5-7分
虽然有点小错误（估计是手误），不过可以忽略不计了~
可能是我水平烂了点，我觉得第一段可以不用那么复杂，简单明了比较好，而且要在第一段就交代时间哦，正常情况下题目给你的信息在第一段要全都包括在内哈
还有就是尽量换点词，不要重复使用visitor visited
其他貌似就没有什么了！O(∩_∩)O~

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